


X-Men Group Chat: X-Men Civil War: Shower Hairball Edition

by XenobotKin



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Group chat, Gun Violence, Humor, M/M, X-Men Group Chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 9,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26532712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XenobotKin/pseuds/XenobotKin
Summary: Logan, being the doofus he is, loses his mind when he finds blue fur on the showerhead. Accusations ensue, the X-Men are a feral family and get into fights a lot, and it is revealed the Hank and Kurt shower together 👀,Lots of silly shenanigans and endless mutant domestic drama(BTW this isn't based on any specific incarnation of the X=Men, just a bunch of my favorites lol)(I'll be leaving a character name reminder at every chapter summary, cause not every one knows every single X-Men's legal name lol)Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,
Relationships: Hank McCoy/Kurt Wagner, Past Kurt Wagner/Logan, Past Kurt Wagner/Wanda Maximoff
Kudos: 11





	1. Logan is mad, as always

_Logan is online_

Logan: I’m going to fucking kill someone

Logan: I’m actually going to gut someone like a fish today

Wanda: Isn’t that normally a Saturday thing

Warren: It’s been Mondays a lot as of late lol

Logan: STFU both of you, I swear to god

Logan: This is literally the maddest I have ever been

Anna: You said that the last time Pawn Stars failed to record on DVR

Scott: And when you had jury duty

Jubilation: Honestly, I never stopped laughing at the thought of Logan “Wolverine” Howlett having to sit on a trial for a child abuse case and him not being allowed to just shank a bitch

Ororo: Logan, your language is wearing off on our younger members

Wolverine: All of you shut the FUCK up

Warren: Did

Warren: Did Logan just tell Ororo to STFU?

Scott: I mean he also told me to shut the fuck up

Anna: He says that literally every day, without consequence

Jubilation: Slightly intimidated that Ororo hasn’t responded

Ororo: Logan I’m going to ignore your attitude for the moment and ask you what is wrong

Wanda: I’m not

Wanda: do NOT talk to me like that I will erase you

Bobby: I’m honestly scared to enter this conversation lol

Logan: Okay

Logan: That was unnecessarily rude. Sorry guys

Logan: Not you Scott, get fucked

Logan: Don’t worry Bobby, you’re not who I’m going to kill

Logan: At least not today 😛

Jubilation: Logan you aren’t allowed to use emoji

Jubilation: You’re a boomer

Logan: I am like…probably 20 decades too old to be a boomer

Jubilation: You look like, 38, so yes you’re a boomer

Scott: You told me the other day I look 44

Jubilation: You do

Ororo: I can buy that

Scott: I do NOT look older than Logan

Anna: Okay boomer

Wanda: Whom are you going to kill Logan

Logan: Waiting for him/him to log on


	2. Squad Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: Waiting for him/him to log on

Logan: Mission is wrapping up

_Alison is online_

Alison: It is officially over

Ororo: And you are the first to log on, as usual

Ororo: Hello, Alison. Did everything go well at the charity event?

Alison: You know, I prefer singing Sia or Adele, but singing “Baby Shark” is actually kind of fun

Warren: Lol It’s about the same quality as the songs you write

Alison: 😡😡😡😡😡Listen here chickenshit

_Angelo is online_

_Tessa is online_

Tessa: Logan, even if they are both men why did you not just say “They”

Logan: Grammar sheriff has logged on

Bobby: H…how did you backread so fast Tessa

Angelo: Bobby she’s a computer she literally was reading the conversation the entire time

Angelo: She just can’t text back with her head

Jubilation: You need to upgrade your brain

Jubilation: Switch to AT&T

_Wade is online_

Anna: Kill me

Ororo: Jubilation, Bobby, please log off, this conversation is no longer appropriate

Wade: You know it hunty

Wade: What’s up biches

Alison: This is unfortunate

Ororo: Wade I will make it clear that you will not speak to me disrespectfully

Wade: You cannot kill me in a way that matters

Jubilation: I saw that tumblr post too

Bobby: You fungal piece of shit

Scott: What in the name of god are you people talking about

Ororo: Do not test me Wade

Wade: Stormie you can’t hurt me

Wanda: She can focus lightning for minutes at a time Wade

Wanda: Like, your atoms would actually separate from each other

Warren: You would be reduced to ash

Angelo: Actual incineration

Wade: …………

Wade: Kinky

Scott: Shut the hell up

_Emma is online_

_Moira is online_

_Sean is online_

Jubilation: The party has started

Jubilation: We got the cool adults in now

Scott: I’m right here

Ororo: Am I not cool, Jubilation?

Bobby: Scott she knows you’re here, the insult was very intentional

Jubilation: What he said

Jubilation: Ororo you’re cool in a like, “I am a beautiful graceful badass”

Jubilation: Emma and Sean are cool in they let me set off fireworks from the library window

Sean: Jubilation you can literally generate fireworks, why did you buy some and set them off?

Anna: Sean you literally let her do it why are you scolding her now

Moira: She asked permission and you said yes

Sean: I said I didn’t understand it, not that I didn’t condone

Jubilation: I mean I see mine every day

Jubilation: Variety is the spice of life

Emma: The spice of life is making others jealous of your strength, intelligence and beauty

Emma: And making Tessa feel like an idiot

Tessa: Emma be quiet

Emma: It’s hard to do, but very rewarding

Wade: Sexy

Wade: I’ll get the pillows

Logan: Shut the fuck up Wade you ugly ass piece of shit

Bobby: Logan drank his respect women juice lol 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Bobby: Wholesome

Scott: What in the world are you talking about

Scott: How is Logan wholesome

Wanda: Violent feminism is still feminism

Angelo: Radfem

Moira: I was very impressed that none of the X-Men have locker room talk besides Wade

Warren: Boys treat women poorly. Men worship women.


	3. Poitr is Poippy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Warren: Boys treat women poorly. Men worship women.

Wade: Shut the fuck up cuckboy

Angelo: Type F to call Deadpool an incel

Angelo: F

Bobby: F

Jubilation: F

Anna: F

Logan: F

Wanda: F

Warren: F

Wade: Fucking shut up

Moira: F

Scott: I had to look up what that word meant

Scott: F

Scott: F

Scott F

Wade: This is workplace harassment

Scott: Type F to tell Wade to quit like a bitch then

Jubilation: HOLY SHIT?!?

_Poitr is online_

Bobby: SHOTS FIRED

Logan: F

_Jean is online_

Anna: F

Tessa: F

Tessa: Just cause I’m the one who curates our internet and his search history is weird

Emma: F

Jean: Why are we typing F

Jean: Who are we paying respect too

Poitr: Hi guys!!!

Jean: Oh, Scott did a meme.

Jean: You children have infected my husband

Scott: Hi Jean!!!

Scott: How was work?

Jean: Calming. Lots of little girls wanted to speak with me.

Jean: One of them was a telekinetic

Jean: She asked me if it was intrusive to help disabled little kids fly to make them feel better

Jean: I told her that if she asked first it should be okay

Scott: My wife is an absolute queen

Scott: Guys my wife is so cool

Ororo: She is, she is indeed

Emma: We have reached the point in the chat where everyone has a crush on Jean

Emma: Logan where are you at

Logan: Look here you dumpster hag

Tessa: I mean, yes, Emma, we know you’re still salty about Scott going back to Jean

Tessa: Just say that and move on

Poitr: Why are you guys so mean to each other

Poitr: Also, NONE of you said hi back to me

Poitr: I am insulted, revolted

Poitr: I devote my life to the X-Men and this is what I get

Jubilation: Tessa

Jubilation: Literally, there are “Funny roasts” and “Sadistic and uncomfortable personal attacks”

Jubilation: And you cannot comprehend the difference

Tessa: Sorry

Emma: Yeah, you better be

Scott: That was kind of…not any of your business

Jean: And mean

Poitr: ….

Poitr: Literally

Poitr: If you one of you

Poitr: Does not say hi to me

Poitr: Right now

Sean: Hi Poitr!

Moira: Good afternoon Poitr

Alison: What’s up Pete

Bobby: Poitr is making everyone say hi to him out of fear of being crushed to death

Wade: He’s like a puppy

Wade: A puppy that demands your love and affection

Wade: Or it’ll rip your skin off

Angelo: So a cat?

Wade: Yes

Moira: ……….So Logan?


	4. Rage against the Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Bobby: Poitr is making everyone say hi to him out of fear of being crushed to death

Wade: He’s like a puppy

Wade: A puppy that demands your love and affection

Wade: Or it’ll rip your skin off

Angelo: So a cat?

Wade: Yes

Moira: ……….So Logan?

Wade: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jubilation: Holy shit Moira

Ororo: An accurate assessment

Sean: Yeah, that’s on the money

Bobby: fkjadohaoidjaojcnaead

Bobby: 🤩🤩MOIRA QUEEN

Logan: LOOK

Logan: I don’t have TIME for you today

Logan @Kurt @Hank why the FUCK are you assholes not on yet

Poitr: They’re changing still

Sean: They’re just now picking up their phones

Alison: Lol Kurt’s shorts are too short

Alison: He looks like a volleyball player

_Kurt is online_

_Hank is online_

Kurt: Hello my dear lovelies! You called my sweet velociraptor friend?

Hank: Hello everyone

Hank: Yes Logan?

Logan: THERE YOUR ARE YOU FUCKIN BLUE PIECES OF SHIT

Logan: KURT YOU’RE A FUCKING STAIN OF FURRY YOGURT MOLD

Logan: HANK YOU BITCH YOU’RE A FUCKY EMO BITCHASS HAMSTER

Bobby: I guess we know now who him/him is


	5. Logan being salty and dumfsty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: THERE YOUR ARE YOU FUCKIN BLUE PIECES OF SHIT

Logan: KURT YOU’RE A FUCKING STAIN OF FURRY YOGURT MOLD

Logan: HANK YOU BITCH YOU’RE A FUCKY EMO BITCHASS HAMSTER

Bobby: I guess we know now who him/him is

Scott: ???? He’s mad at Kurt? And Hank?? He loves Kurt and Hank never does anything bad to anyone

Ororo: Logan do not bully Kurt

Hank: Thank you Ororo

Kurt: 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨 What did I do???

Logan: One. Of. You. SHITS.

Logan: I go in to take my shower this morning

Logan: And look

Logan: We know you’re hairy, getting some fur somewhere ain’t your fault

Logan: BUT ON THE FUCKING SHOWER HEAD????

Logan: WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Logan: THE MOMENT I TURNED ON THE FUCKING WATER I GOT SPLASHED IN THE MOUTH AND NOSE AND EYES AND EARS WITH WET FUR

Angelo: You could’ve just said “face” you didn’t have to point out every individual orifice

Logan: Shut up you fuckin dandruff cell

Jean: Logan you need to be less rude

Logan: Jean

Logan: You’re a kind person and good friend

Logan: Shut up

Bobby: Yo

Bobby: Rip Jean

Bobby: Logan just killed the most powerful force in all of existence

Wanda: I’m still alive

Jubilation: Logan just killed himself, Scotts gonna fuckin bury him

Scott: Logan

Scott: You

Scott: Fuckface

Jean: It’s okay Scott, Logan has the right to be a salty dusty bitch

Logan: LOOK

Logan: I’m not being unreasonable

Logan: I’m just gonna fuckin cut the appendix out of one of my friends

Logan: CAUSE THEY CAN’T FUCKIN SHOWER RIGHT

Emma: Why the appendix

Wade: It’s cause he’s too nice to cut out an important organ

Hank: Actually Wade, several studies the appendix is a vital probiotic epicenter for useful bacteria and archaea, and that removing it without due cause can lead to some long term effects in digestive, urinary, and immunological health

Alison: Hank what the hell

Logan: Hank I am TALKING TO YOU, stop trying to educate Wade against his consent

Bobby: Against his Consent is right

Bobby: Also, “cut the appendix out” is low ki a hilarious insult

Jubilation: He might as well have said “I’ll squeeze your knees”

Poitr: I’LL SQUEEZE YOUR KNEES 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sean: I mean, to be fair, I get mad when the shower has hair in it

Sean: Also, Logan you’re an idiot if you don’t know who it was

Scott: I mean I realized that too Sean

Ororo: Same

Logan: Tell me right this fuckin instant

Kurt: Maybe it wasn’t either of us? I mean its pretty mean to single me and Hank are specifically

Tessa: Kurt

Tessa: Please explain

Jubilation: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Wade: 🤣

Angelo: What the fuck Kurt, I’m crying lol

Logan: THE HAIR WAS INDIGO FUCKING BLUE YOU FURRY SLUT

Kurt: Wow

Kurt: I mean, you are being so mean to me right now

Kurt: What did I ever do to you

Logan: YOU MAY HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO GOT HAIR IN MY FUCKING SHOWERHEAD YOU ELF


	6. Kurt bought Scott Kale at an Aldi, I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: YOU MAY HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO GOT HAIR IN MY FUCKING SHOWERHEAD YOU ELF

Hank: He does have a point Logan, though not in the way he thinks

Kurt: I’m defending you and you discredit me so

Kurt: Henry you are a villain without valor

Hank: I mean if neither of us fess up what’s he going to do

Logan: I’LL KILL YOU BOTH

Alison: Kurt Hank one of you fluffy boys needs to fess up though

Alison: Your hair is extremely nasty

Alison: Split ends and shit

Kurt: Excuse me Alison but you try applying conditioner to your entire body

Hank: It does indeed take a LOT of shampoo

Jean: That’s really not necessary Logan

Scott: I mean, yeah, it’s really obvious who it was

Ororo: It is odd how he hasn’t figured it out yet

Wade: Someone please tell me

Wade: Please

Wade: Jean dm me

Jean: I would not engage in a DM with you Wade if the multiverse depended on it

Jubilation: Killer

Bobby: He ded

Wade: Meanie

Tessa: She’s smart for it

Logan: Tell me

Logan: If I know which one of them did it then we only lose one

Ororo: How generous of you Logan

Kurt: Ororo save us

Hank: I’m in no danger, Logan doesn’t really scare me lol

Emma: This is very tiring

Tessa: I agree

Emma: Nevermind, I like it

Tessa: You are shallow

Emma: Uh BITCH? Who the fuck said something about my love life earlier?

Tessa: Sorry

Emma: Yeah, I thought so, peasant

Logan: I’M SERIOUS, SEAN, SCOTT, TELL ME WHO IT IS

Sean: Honestly if you’re that stupid no

Warren: I haven’t been responding cause I was really, really trying hard to think what you guys are talking about

Warren: But like

Warren: When it hit me

Warren: It’s very simple lol

Warren: Don’t overthink it Logan

Alison: Warren how did you ever not get it, I got it and I ain’t even over there

Kurt: Warren! My angel! You are helping Logan??? Cruel fate?

Scott: Logan I am not aiding your shower vengeance quest

Bobby: Shower vengeance

Bobby: Hm

Bobby: Gonna tell my future husband that one

Jubilation: Bobby no one could ever love you

Bobby: Rude

Logan: LOOK, SCOTT

Logan: Think

Logan: If I don’t know who it is

Logan: I have to kill them both

Logan: If I know who it is

Logan: Only one dies

Logan: It’s better for the team, for our unit as a whole, if you tell me

Logan: You’re the vice captain

_Charles is online_

Charles: My friends, this group chat is extremely active for having 20 people in it who all live in the same home

Jubilation: Oh god, professor leave

Charles: Excuse me?

Jubilation: Spare thy self this DRAMA

Scott: Okay

Scott: I’ll bite

Kurt: SCOTT???

Jean: Scott

Jean: You’re a bad boy

Jean: Not sure if I like that or not

Ororo: Jean don’t encourage this

Kurt: Scott please I’m your buddy

Kurt: I bought your kale at the Aldi last week

Scott: Logan. There is a separate shower for every men’s dorm wing

Scott: Which of them is on your wing


	7. Wade's Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Scott: Logan. There is a separate shower for every men’s dorm wing

Scott: Which of them is on your wing

Kurt: SCOTT!!!

Kurt: WHAT ARE DOING TO ME???

Logan: ldjadfhawhdfiahdiqhkawhflka

Logan: I’M COMIN FOR YOUR ASS ELF

Kurt: Nu

Bobby: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 RUN KURT

Jubilation: Man

Jubilation: I’m sure gonna miss D231: Religion in Theatre class

Alison: I mean, it’s not like do class work anyway

Alison: You have a C+ in Choir

Alison: CHOIR

Jubilation: YOU JUST DOCK POINTS CAUSE MY POWER IS JUST A BETTER VERSION OF YOURS

Alison: I will fire my laser through your grody fuckin rain jacket

Alison: I’m that bitch sis

Logan: YOU CAN’T RUN YOU BITCH I CAN SMELL YOU

Kurt: Rogue

Kurt: Sister

Kurt: I will let you use my Hulu if you come to the East Wing Rooftop right now.

Kurt: Hurry

Anna: Kurt why the fuck do you have your own Hulu account, Charles has one for the entire school

Kurt: We do???

Charles: Of course

Charles: Only the best for my students

Kurt: Aw man

Kurt: Today is no lwadhisaudowhdilawhjdiadishfikszhrliahfuilsahfahfkhshlihqaufhaqhflkawhq

Logan: STOP FUCKING TELEPORTING YOU FLUFFY BASTARD BITCH

Wade: This is the best fucking moment of my life

Wade: Kurt

Wade: Kurt I have an offer

Wade: I’ll be your bodyguard

Kurt: WHAT PRICE????

Hank: Guys where are you

Hank: I surprisingly hear very little bloodshed

Tessa: Kurt’s just teleported back to the Staff Library

Tessa: Logan is still in the Attic

Alison: Okay but why actually are you helping Logan Tessa

Kurt: DON’T TELL HIM WHERE I AM!!

Hank: Logan don’t you dare harm my books on The Tricarboxylic Acid Cycle

Kurt: FORGET THE BOOKS

Kurt: HENRY

Kurt: I’M YOUR KURT

Kurt: SAVE ME

Wade: Okay, I’ll body guard you IF

Wade: You go with me to a strip club


	8. Kurt's fleeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Wade: Kurt I have an offer

Wade: I’ll be your bodyguard

Kurt: WHAT PRICE????

Hank: Guys where are you

Hank: I surprisingly hear very little bloodshed

Tessa: Kurt’s just teleported back to the Staff Library

Tessa: Logan is still in the Attic

Alison: Okay but why actually are you helping Logan Tessa

Kurt: DON’T TELL HIM WHERE I AM!!

Hank: Logan don’t you dare harm my books on The Tricarboxylic Acid Cycle

Kurt: FORGET THE BOOKS

Kurt: HENRY

Kurt: I’M YOUR KURT

Kurt: SAVE ME

Wade: Okay, I’ll body guard you IF

Wade: You go with me to a strip club

Charles: Wade that’s very inappropriate

Warren: Which one?

Wade: I mean it doesn’t matter, as long as I can get Kurt on the pole

Wade: I really, REALLY think he’d be good at it

Warren:………….. Which one?

Poitr: Which one?

Alison: WHICH ONE??

Moira: Guys what the shit

Jubilation: WHAT????? POITR? WARREN? ALI???

Bobby: vlkdfsjflsjfwlajdflwajwajdl FUCK 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Warren: Well

Warren: I mean I’m an angel and he’s a devil so like it’s only natural I hint that theres a temptation

Warren: As a joke

Poitr: I wanted to know for science

Alison: I wanted to know cause Kurt’s kind of got nice legs and he’s really flexible and his hair is cute lol

Hank: You are both being very inappropriately flirty with Kurt. He doesn’t like that kind of overt flirting

Emma: Have you met Kurt?

Jean: He literally bought every single woman flowers last valentine’s day. Me.

Ororo: They were quite lovely. I love Zinnias 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Alison: I got sakura blossoms, they were ugly

Ororo: Those weren’t sakura blossoms they were gerber daisies you just watch too much anime

Hank: Sexual flirting, that is

Warren: Which club Wade

Bobby: Warren is a furry lol

Bobby: And Alison is a weeb lol

Warren: Shush you

Kurt: LIKING ME DOES NOT MAKE SOMEONE A FURRY

Kurt: THIS OBJECTIFICATION OF ME IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW

Angelo: How are you alive

Kurt: Okay, does anyone other than Wade want to save me

Logan: 🙂 Where 🙂 are 🙂 you 🙂elf 🙂

Tessa: He’s in the War Room in the subbasement

Kurt: TESSA STOP

Kurt: Logan please

Kurt: Logan they’re lying I never did it in the first place

Logan: PROVE IT FUCKER

Kurt: INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

Logan: NOT IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

Logan: GUILTY UNTIL EXECUTION BITCH

Charles: That’s against the Geneva convention

Wanda: The professor is very funny on occasion

Jubilation: ROTFLMAOOL

Scott: What is that

Scott: Is that Irish Sean?

Sean: Scott you’re such a fucking moron

Sean: You are a genius who can do calculus and square roots mentally but you’re fucking amented

Emma: You literally didn’t have to use a word from the 1800s but okay

Wade: Weird flex but sure

Emma: You don’t know what it means either lol

Kurt: SOMEONE SAVE ME

Kurt: SOS

Kurt: HE’S PREDICTING WHERE I’M GOING TO TELEPORT

Kurt: HENRY I LOVE YOU SAVE ME

Hank: I mean

Hank: I do also love you

Hank: But I also know that Logan won’t literally actually kill you

Hank: It’ll probably just be a few stiff hits to the stomach, or a very painful submission

Hank: And you’re tough

Hank: So I’m not worried

Kurt: 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Hank you treasonous hamster

Kurt: GAH

Logan: 2 more. I’ll have the pattern down in 2 more teleports.

Logan: Write your will fuzzball

Kurt: ORORO

Kurt: ORORO I GAVE YOU FLOWERS. I DO LAUNDRY WITH YOU. WE WATCH JOHN OLIVER TOGETHER

Ororo: Yes all that is correct.

Kurt: SAVE ME

Ororo: I mean, you should be punished for not cleaning the shower after you’re done

Ororo: And Charles is too spineless to enact discipline

Logan: One more

Kurt: SOMEONE PLEASE

Jubilation: (⊙o⊙)

Jubilation: PROFESSOR ARE YOU OKAY???

Bobby: o((⊙﹏⊙))o She just roasted Professor X

Angelo: Ororo literally answers to no man or god

Poitr: She’s like Beyonce Knowles

Jean: I mean she is actually a goddess

Jean: Like, factually

Wanda: Kurt

Wanda: I’ll help

Wanda: Where are you

Kurt: I HAVE 0 TELEPORTS LEFT I’M JUST RUNNING

Wanda: Where at though

Tessa: He’s hiding in Cerebro

Charles: Do not harm that device

Kurt: I’M NOWHERE NEAR CEREBRO

Kurt: TESSA ARE YOU ACTIVELY PREVENTING PEOPLE FROM SAVING ME???

Kurt: TESSA WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME

Kurt: WANDA HUeofhfiwlehflwehfwlehflehfiuwhflueww

Logan: Got him


	9. Kurt's Tail Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Kurt: WANDA HUeofhfiwlehflwehfwlehflehfiuwhflueww

Logan: Got him

Emma: This is so tiring

Emma: Guys can we just talk about Jersey Shore

Jean: I didn’t know you liked that show Emma

Emma: Snooki is actually very talented

Jean: I agree, we should watch together sometime

Emma: I’d like that 😊

Scott: Aw, you guys are friends

Poitr: Is Kurt dead yet

Logan: I have him

Logan: His arms are currently in the process of being removed

Warren: No cutting limbs off teammates

Logan: I’m not cutting, I’m ripping

Hank: That’s a formality

Logan: He’s still swearing he didn’t do it

Alison: Logan tell him I’m coming to save him

Alison: And beat your ass

Logan: Try it you Miley Cyrus piece of shit

Alison: Okay now I don’t care about saving him I’m just in it to beat your ass

Jubilation: Is he doing that tail thing

Moira: I’m sorry what?

Wanda: Oh you guys don’t know

Anna: Really? I thought that was like, common knowledge

Anna: I mean, I REALLY thought Logan would know

Logan: What are you talking about

Jubilation: He like, wraps his tail around his toes when he’s lying

Logan: ………….

Logan: I let him go

Bobby: WHAT THE FUCK 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: I let him go

Bobby: WHAT THE FUCK 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wade: YOU EXECUTED AN INNOCENT

Wade: LOGAN THAT’S NOT THE X MEN WAY

Moira: Rich Wade

Wade: You’re not even a mutant!!!

Scott: Type F if you’d choose to keep Moira over Wade

Scott: F

Jean: F

Ororo: F

Tessa: F

Angelo: F

Poitr: F

Warren: F

Jubilation: F

Hank: F

Emma: F

Sean: F

Bobby: F

Alison: F

Charles: F

Wade: CHARLIE SHE’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Wade: YOU DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO SAY IT

Wade: THAT’S JUST MEAN

Kurt: Guys

Kurt: Whoever told him about the tail thing kind of saved me

Kurt: Jubilation you get an A for the semester

Kurt: A-

Kurt: You still have to practice your inflection

Hank: Welcome back Kurt

Tessa: Hi

Kurt: Tessa you are DEAD to me

Logan: Hank

Logan: You were going to let me kill Kurt

Logan: For YOUR crimes

Logan: I’m going to punish you

Logan: The reaper is coming

Logan: Bitchass

Hank: I couldn’t be bothered to respond

Hank: But for the record, I too am not really responsible

Charles: Well

Ororo: The plot thickens

Alison: I’m genuinely curious

Alison: Did someone plant it?

Tessa: How

Tessa: How could you not be

Warren: Hank if Kurt didn’t do it then you did

Logan: I’M ON MY FUCKIN WAY BITCH

Logan: Stopping at the water fountain first

Logan: Got fur in my teeth

Logan: THEN I’M GOING TO KILL YOU

Logan: Wait

Logan: I got fur in my eye too

Logan: Give me a sec

Jubilation: Lol Logan is such a damn mood

Bobby: BIG ASS FWUCKIN MOOD

Kurt: Bobby D:

Kurt: Language!

Kurt: What would Jesus do!

Bobby: IDK I’m gay, stone me or some shit

Kurt: UNTRUE!!

Jubilation: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ororo: I would never condemn my followers for being gay

Emma: Our goddess is an awesome goddess

Emma: Glory and power she SLAYS

Jean: Lol that was a little funny

Emma: Thank you Jean!! 🤍🤍🤍

Scott: I’m so glad you guys are nice to each other

Tessa: Emma doesn’t deserve it lol

Tessa: Jubilation

Tessa: That wasn’t too mean was it

Jubilation: No lol that one was good

Poitr: I still don’t like how mean you all are to each other

Warren: It’s okay big guy

Warren: We won’t bully you

Angelo: I will

Jubilation: Same

Bobby: Yo

Rogue: I’m on board

Poitr: Guys

Alison: Don’t, he makes a good disco ball

Logan: 100 feet

Logan: 100 feet and then you fuckin die Hank

Hank: I’m honestly not even going to bother rolling up my sleeves Logan

Hank: I won’t be punished for a crime I did not commit

Emma: Stop lying

Emma: STOP

Emma: I’m gonna get to the bottom of this right now

Hank: Emma Frost don’t you dare read my brain

Scott: That’s a breach of trust Emma

Alison: Emma seriously we talked about that a while ago, sis

Emma: So is hair left on a shower head

Kurt: Emmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa no

Emma: !!!!!!

Emma: LOGAN DON’T

Emma: LOGAN

Hank: He’s not look at his phone I have him in a bearhug

Hank: He’s calling me a “muscleslut” lol

Emma: I just brain blasted him

Logan: WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN EMMA I’M TRYING TO COMMIT A HATE CRIME

Emma: It’s not really Hank


	11. Generic Reactionary Filler Chapter lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Hank: He’s not look at his phone I have him in a bearhug

Hank: He’s calling me a “muscleslut” lol

Emma: I just brain blasted him

Logan: WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN EMMA I’M TRYING TO COMMIT A HATE CRIME

Emma: It’s not really Hank

Logan: WHAT?

Scott: WHAT?

Sean: HUH?

Bobby: YO?

Jubilation: But how though

Emma: I mean. Yeah, not really? I guess not

Warren: What does that mean?

Hank: Thank you, Emma. But please don’t do that anymore

Emma: 🙃🙃🙃🙃Hank

Hank: Enough Emma

Emma: HANK

Kurt: Oi vey

Logan: WHO THE FUCK IS IT?

Logan: SO IT WAS KURT?

Emma: I read his mind too, it’s not him

Emma: Not exactly

Logan: WHAT IN THE GODTDAMMNED FUCK IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO FUCKING MEAN

Charles: Emma I’m disappointed in you

Wade: I’m not lol This is funny

Tessa: Why would you ever have high expectations on Emma

Tessa: Jubilation?

Jubilation: That one was safe

Emma: Try me whore

Charles: Emma. You shouldn’t use your powers invasively

Charles: Also I really think you should have been able to figure that one out without your powers

Charles: The answer will easily present itself to those who pay attention

Alison: Emma is being sent to her metaphysical room lol

Alison: WAIT

Scott: …………..

Scott: Professor do you know whose hair that is???

Charles: Oh, but of course

Charles: Really, I think all of you should be able to figure it out

Kurt: I’m

Kurt: I’m going to die

Kurt: I’m going to cry

Hank: Professor, are you sure you know that answer?

Charles: Yes.

Charles: I won’t tell

Logan: Chuck

Logan: Chuck listen here

Logan: You better tell me

Logan: TELL ME

Ororo: It’s Rogue then?


	12. It's GOING DOWN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Ororo: It’s Rogue then?

Anna: Uhm excuse me miss weather goddess??

Alison: Oh fuck

Ororo: She did absorb Hanks powers a few days ago. That doesn’t explain why she’d use the men’s South Wing shower, but she’s the next logical suspect

Anna: Excuse me no the fuck I ain’t

Anna: You tryin the start some shit

Wade: CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT

Bobby: Wade they are both human WMDs this isn’t a cat fight it’s the start of a global extinction event lol

Angelo: Oh my god I’m in the same room as Rogue, she’s walking over

Angelo: SHIT SHIT SHIT COUNT ME OUT

Angelo: I’m just some stringy guy this is above me

Alison: Same fuck that shit I have lyrics to write

Sean: AKA pretend to write lyrics and instead drink like, 4 glasses of rosé

Hank: Ororo, Anna, please don’t fight

Kurt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kurt: FRIENDS

Anna: Where’d you go??

Ororo: I’m outside, 40 meters up.

Anna: ARE YOU RUNNING, HUN???

Alison: HOLY FUCKING JESUS SHE’S ACTUALL GATHERING CLOUDS

Bobby: FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ororo: I will not fight you inside

Logan: ANNA IS IT REALLY FUCKING YOU? BITCH I’M COMING YOUR WAY

Anna: OKAY?? PROMISE??? Bitch what the fuck fine I’ll beat both yo dusty asses

Scott: GUYS STOP

Scott: ORORO YOU’RE THE FIELD COMMANDER

Ororo: Know your place, dear friend

Anna: Oh bitch your mouth is writing checks your weave can’t cash lady

Anna: LOGAN YOU BEST FUCKING TURN BACK AROUND THOSE STAIRS I’M ACTUALLY FUCKING PISSED

Wanda: Can we go 11 days without a major fight breaking out

Wanda: This is why the Avengers hate us so much

Wanda: Like, at Avengers potlucks they actually talk shit at us

Emma: Logan it’s not Anna

Emma: Guys

Emma: You’re going to destroy the Mansion

Ororo: Oh, it’s not? Ah okay.

Anna: OKAY???

Logan: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN???? WH OTH EFUC KARE LEFT?

Anna: I’m

Anna: She literally flew back through the window, gave me a hug and walked away

Anna: I swear on god one day y’all are actually gonna piss me off and I’m gonna fuckin beat yo asses before you can calm down

Alison: It’s cause you get riled up so easily

Anna: Ali I swear to fucking lord you best retract that fucking statement for I come down there

_Alison deleted a message_

Anna: Bitch that’s right


	13. Jubilation gets JubiLUMPED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Anna: Bitch that’s right

Warren: X’D

Jubilation: Ew Warren that one’s ugly

Moira: Do….do Emojis have aesthetic value?

Bobby: ?????????????????

Bobby: MOIRA?

Bobby: YES, THEy OBVIOUSLY DO

Bobby: ( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`)

Bobby: Look at these guys. Look how smol and sweet they are

Bobby: Now luck at this chonker

Bobby: ┗|｀O′|┛

Bobby: LOOK HOW UGLY HE IS

Moira: …

Moira: Uh huh

Angelo: Okay boomer lol

Jubilation: Angelo you’re like 26

Jubilation: You are a boomer

Kurt: jafkjhfkjhskfhahaklh XD XD XD XD XD

Hank: Jubilation no

Sean: .

Sean: Jubilation do you know what a boomer is

Jubilation: People who are old and smelly

Moira: Oh my god be quiet you

Ororo: Quiet child

Alison: I mean, I have boobs tho, so, you know,

Kurt: SILENCE EGG

Angelo: STFU zygote

Warren: Wah wah baby wah

Tessa: She’s not old enough to count, obviously

Emma: We shower every day, Jubilation. How are we the smelly ones

Poitr: I mean…..like, you do write fanfic, soooooooooooooo IDK really if you’re one to talk

Jubilation: ?!?!?!!?!??!!?!? GUYS?!?!?!?!?!?! HENLO!?!?!?!?!

Bobby: REST IN FUCKING PIECES JUBILEE XD XD XD

Jean: Guys you’re making fun of a teenager

Jean: That’s mean

Jubilation: No no, I’m surprised any of them had the guts to say anything XD XD

Jubilation: I was ready to put all y’all out the Pasteur but I guess not tonight

Logan: Okay

Logan: WHO THE FUCK DID IT THEN

Logan: WHILE Y’ALL ARE TALKING ABOUT BOOMS AND SHIT

Logan: I STILL HAVE A MURDER TO COMMIT

Logan: SERIOUSLY I NEED AN ANSWER

Wanda: Well

Wanda: Not that it really matters

Wanda: Doesn’t Jubilee have like, turquoise highlights right now


	14. Punching Hexes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Wanda: Well

Wanda: Not that it really matters

Wanda: Doesn’t Jubilee have like, turquoise highlights right now

Jubilation: Wanda

Wanda: Jubilation?

Jubilation: On god I am going to Smack you

Jubilation: I don’t care if you are the Metaethics teacher

Bobby: I

Bobby: I mean I also wouldn’t be worried about that

Angelo: Yeah, more concerning that she’s actually a beyond omega level threat who the Phoenix Force and the Sorcerer Supreme actively keep tabs on lol

Wanda: They’re right, darling

Jubilation: Bitch who needs power

Jubilation: Anyone with two hands can fight

Emma: But against an embodiment of chaos???

Wanda: I mean

Wanda: Are you going to punch a jinx

Wanda: Like am I going to cast a hex on you and you just punch it away

Jubilation: Bitch I’ve got SPUNK

Wanda: She actually walked into the room

Jean: Oh my god guys again

Sean: Literally someone is going to kill someone today

Wade: Extra extra, people don’t hate mutants out of bigotry, mutants just can’t pipe the fuck down for 3 seconds lol

Tessa: I think I need to tighten security, specifically for other X-Men members

Moira: I mean. Charles isn’t like that

Moira: Except during competitive sudoku

Moira: He gets quite intense at that

Poitr: Co—competitive sudoku????

Bobby: Is he good at it?

Moira: No

Moira: His doctorates are in humanites and genetics

Moira: NOT Pattern recognition lol

Charles: You wound me Moira

Wanda: Guys Jubilation is actually in my face

Wanda: She just called my skirt ugly

Wanda: She called me a “catsup Lolita”

Wanda: I’m actually about to put this brat in her place

Hank: Please don’t

Sean: NO

Sean: JUBILATION I’M COMING

Sean: WANDA JUST CALM DOWN

Alison: Drag her Wanda

Ororo: She’s not actually going to erase her from history or steal her powers

Ororo: Right

Ororo: Right Wanda

Wanda: Jean has the power to bring her back to life

Kurt: NO

Kurt: PLEASE WANDA NO

Wanda: Kurt teleported her away lol

Jubilation: I’m coming back to you Wanda

Jubilation: Hasley soundin ass bitch

Wanda: You are really determined to get humbled aren’t you

Logan: Wanda

Logan: She’s mine


	15. She did not successfully punch the hexes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: Wanda

Logan: She’s mine

Wanda: …..

Sean: o.o

Scott: This again

Emma: Oh my fucking god Logan let it die

Ororo: It’s 2. Logan has been chasing random team members around the house since 12:45

Ororo: A new record, officially

Anna: All y’all are so determined to start fights today

Alison: Lmao this is wild

Wade: I like it

Wade: Who wants to start a fight

Scott: Literally no one has time to waste on you

Wade: Wow

Wade: Shithead

Angelo: I mean is he lying

Tessa: Logan, she’s in classroom 3E

Kurt: Tessa literally you have been selling people out all day

Kurt: When did you become such a snake

Emma: She’s been that way since the Hellfire Club

Tessa: White rat

Jubilation: LOGAN

Jubilation: YOU BETTER NOT COME NEAR ME

Hank: This is very immature of all of you

Scott: You were bearhugging Logan earlier

Hank: In self defense lol

Logan: Jubilation. Was that your hair

Jubilation: LOGAN I SWEAR YOU STAY ON THAT SIDE OF THE GODDAMN BUILDING

Jubilation: I’M WARNING YOU

Bobby: Child abuse

Bobby: Someone call CPS

Angelo: Bobby help her

Bobby: Lol no

Jubilation: BOBBY

Bobby: Payback for stealing my cherry coke oreos

Kurt: I mean, she did you a favor, those were gross

Alison: your WHAT KIND OF oreos

Logan: ANSWER THE QUESTION JUBILATION

Jubilation: NO OF COURSE IT’S NOT MY HAIR

Jubilation: MY HIGHLIGHTS ARE TURQUOISE

Logan: BLUE IS BLUE

Kurt: 😭😭

Jubilation: YOU SAID IT WAS INDIGO

Wanda: I mean, couldn’t some of your black hair and your turquoise hair mix and make it darker

Jubilation: Wanda seriously I am going to Orphan your kids

Jubliation: Tommy and Billy will have no mother

Jubilation: They’re strong they’ll be fine

Wanda: Talk shit, get hit

Jubilation: I CAN’T FUCKING MOVE MY FEET

Logan: I can smell ya

Logan: 2 hallways down

Logan: I hope your not gonna miss your turquoise hair

Logan: Or your hair at all

Jubilation: SHE FUMKING TELEKINESED MY FEET

Jubilation: SOMEBODY FUCKING SAVE ME HE’S RIGHT THERE

Kurt: WHAT HALL, I’M COMING

Logan: BUTT OUT ELF

Kurt: …

Kurt: I’m sorry Jubilation, you’re on your own

Jubilation: I DON’T WANNA BE BALD MY HEAD IS POINTY

Bobby: It really, REALLY is

Emma: Logan you know she didn’t do it right

Scott: …………

Alison: Bruh


	16. Emma is threatened with bed frame destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Emma: Logan you know she didn’t do it right

Scott: …………

Alison: Bruh

Ororo: Emma you really should’ve spoken up literal minutes ago

Wanda: Emma you are devoted to dragging things out to the last moment

Kurt: Emma, fair maiden, you are an asshole

Logan: EMMA I SWEAR TO FUCKING CHRIST YOU’D BETTER TELL ME WHO THE FUCK IT IS DEFINITIVELY RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT

Emma: Logan I can literally put you to sleep with a though

Emma: I’m actually not scare of you lol

Logan: Itd be a shame

Logan: If your queen sized bed

Logan: That I was going to help install for you

Logan: Was suddenly princess sized

Logan: Or not put up at all

Wade: That is literally the weakest threat ever

Scott: IDK, Emma is particular about her furniture

Jean: Uh huh lol

Scott: Wait Jean

Scott: I didn’t

Jean: It’s okay Scott I’m teasing

Emma: It is both Kurt and Hank’s hair. But they aren’t the ones who got it on the showerhead. Wade did that inbetween yours and their shower


	17. Guys that rude =_=

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Emma: It is both Kurt and Hank’s hair. But they aren’t the ones who got it on the showerhead. Wade did that inbetween yours and their shower

Kurt: EMMA

Kurt: EMMA FROST

Kurt: DELETE THAT MESSAGE

Kurt: TESSA GET RID OF IT RIGHT NOW

Tessa: No, it will end the argument permanently

Kurt: TESSA I SWEAR YOU ARE A WITCH

Wanda: 1) Rude

Wanda: 2) Their? As in, Kurt took a shower then Hank took one?

Emma: Shower. Singular

Scott: Oh

Scott: Well

Jean: Oh dear

Ororo: Kurt? Hank? Really?

Jubilation: djfhafhwahfkawehfkeah GUYS!?!?!?!? YOU????

Angelo: Whoa. Holy fuck.

Alison: Oh wow. Blue boys be bangin

Bobby: wqriuqworiuwpoeruqoruqwpour YOU GUYS ARE GAY???

Hank: Thank you for being extremely rude and outing us Emma, I appreciate that

Emma: My bed was in danger

Wade: XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS BOTH OF THEM, I JUST SAW HANK GET OUT

Sean: When did you guys become a thing?

Hank: Everyone stop

Moira: This is quite the development

Anna: KURT? @Kurt YOU’RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH BEAST AND DIDN’T TELL ME???

Wanda: Kurt I’m hurt, I wish you had told me you were gay or bi. You never told me that when we dated a few years ago.

Logan: Elf

Logan: Wade I’ll murder you in a bit

Logan: Kurt

Logan: @Kurt_Wagner

Hank: Everyone please

Hank: Wait a second

Hank: He’s very very upset

Hank: Give me a moment. I’ll talk to him.


	18. Poitr is being a good friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Hank: Everyone please

Hank: Wait a second

Hank: He’s very very upset

Hank: Give me a moment. I’ll talk to him.

Jean: Oh okay. That’s fine

Charles: Emma you shouldn’t have said that.

Charles: I mean, you shouldn’t have read Hank’s mind anyway, but saying it without their permission is unacceptable

Emma: Logan, were you actually going to destroy my bed

Logan: Does it matter

Emma: Yes, cause if you didn’t say that I wouldn’t typed that

Logan: Yeah, probably

Emma: Well there you go

Emma: Don’t demand answers to questions you don’t want answered

Logan: What the fuck

Logan: How would I have known you were gonna say that

Emma: Should have planned for it

Poitr: Both of you shuck the fuck up

Poitr: Kurt’s obviously not comfortable with you having said that

Poitr: You’re both in the wrong and need to apologize

Emma: Yeah. Kay.

Logan: I will.

Anna: I don’t wanna talk about his relationships without him present

Anna: Did he literally tell anyone he liked guys at any point

Anna: He’s never told me that

Wanda: I already said no

Ororo: No. I kind of had a suspicion based on how nervous he’d get when sparring with Hank or Poitr or Logan, but I was wondering if he was actually worried about bigger opponents

Bobby: No man. Like.

Bobby: I feel like he really should’ve told me

Bobby: He and I had some shit go down not long ago and if he told me he liked guys it would’ve cleared it up

Jubilation: What?? What are you talking about??

Bobby: Uh

Bobby: Let’s wait and see if he’s okay with that coming out first

Alison: I knew Hank liked guys. I’m pretty sure he’s said that out loud before

Scott: He has.

Scott: He had said it like, 2 Thanksgivings ago

Jean: Pretty sure he said he’d never actually dated a guy though, and he never seemed to date guys, so I think we all forgot

Warren: I’ve been quiet but yeah I knew about Kurt

Warren: I was starting to wonder if that’s why he wasn’t being open about it is because it was with a man

Warren: I found out, IDK, several months ago. I don’t wanna give details but I’m almost positive that he’s only known about it for about a year. If even that long

Tessa: Uhm

Tessa: You know

Tessa: I knew. But I didn’t connect the dots.

Emma: How?? Are you a moron?

Tessa: Look Emma my brain doesn’t like yours. I take in a ridiculous amount of information, but unlike telepaths that info doesn’t get connected with other info. I see Kurt and Hank kiss over a security camera but my brain doesn’t process that info, it just stores it, and I never really take even a nanosecond to realize what I saw

Emma: Ah

Emma: Okay. I didn’t realize that.

Emma: I’m sorry, Tessa

Tessa: .

Tessa: I forgive you. Thanks

Hank: Hi

Hank: We’re back

Kurt: Hi


	19. Kurt and Hank being open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Hank: Hi

Hank: We’re back

Kurt: Hi

Kurt: Sorry I freaked out guys. I didn’t mean to worry anyone.

Scott: It’s okay Kurt.

Scott: Did we really come off as that shallow?

Scott: You knew we accepted Bobby, and Billy, and literally every other LGBT+ member of the X family. Why would you be different

Kurt: It wasn’t that

Logan: I can explain a little if you want Kurt

Kurt: Yeah, that’s okay, thanks Logan

Wanda: ?

Logan: He was more scared that you’d think he was a hypocrite

Logan: He sort of had in his mind that he’d done or said a lot of homophobic things

Logan: Like, we all know he’s Catholic, and he thought that it meant he was homophobic by default

Bobby: Is it okay for me to tell them Kurt

Kurt: Oh. Uh. Yeah, I guess so

Bobby: Like, at the beginning of this year he and I were talking about it and he talked about the church being more inclusive

Bobby: And I got pretty pissed cause like

Bobby: You know. The whole “Yes we love and welcome gay people but we don’t actually want them to be gay” thing that churches do

Bobby: So I kind of told him off. Thinking like, that was what he was for

Bobby: But I guess it was more like

Bobby: “I want to be gay and be in church”

Bobby: Sorry Kurt

Bobby: I didn’t put that together and kind of ripped into you. That was pretty shitty of me, not knowing the situation.

Kurt: It’s okay lol Really. I mean, the church literally tried to impale me with a wooden stake as a kid, I know that its not easy to believe they can be genuine

Kurt: But you did deliver a KILLER slap, and honestly my jaw hurt lol I was quite quite impressed

Bobby: 😅😅Oh yeah, I forgot I slapped you lol OOPS

Hank: It’s okay, you’ll never get the chance again

Emma: Romantic lol

Emma: Kurt, Hank, I’m sorry. I should’ve just. I don’t know, told Logan privately or lied and made something up.

Hank: Yes, you should have.

Hank: But I acknowledge and accept your apology

Kurt: It’s okay Emma

Kurt: In way I really needed to tell Logan more. Since we’re being honest, and I don’t want Logan to have to hide anything anymore, he was my awakening guy lol

Jean: Not surprising lol

Charles: Agreed

Anna: Lol of course he was

Ororo: Not the worst option

Warren: I walked in on them snogging lol

Angelo: Man

Logan: Yup

Jubilation: So you just? Confessed to Logan?

Kurt: UH

Logan: Kurt. Honesty.

Kurt: Yeah. Uhm we both got drunk. I kissed him. And uh. Well. We woke up. Together lol

Scott: Lol relatable

Jean: Lol Scott

Emma: What the fuck

Sean: WHAT?

Kurt: We’re gonna pause for a second, and I’m going to calmly ask Scott WHAT?????

Scott: Jean and I always joke that if I ever experimented it’d be with Logan

Jubilation: XD XD XD XD

Ororo: Honestly, that’s kind of sweet that you trust him that much after all this time

Logan: TMI Goggles

Logan: But I’m flattered

Sean: So when did things with Logan end and things with Hank begin?

Logan: “Things with” me never existed, honestly. One night stand, a bit of like, cuddling and kissing the next day, just so I could help calm him down, then we talked things through, I tried to help him be more okay with himself, and we went back to how things usually were. Just. Friends? IDK what you want to call it, I’d still kill a man for him, and I honestly don’t feel awkward or have any regret over that night, but it was just one night.

Logan: Jubilation and Bobby I’m not making you feel uncomfortable am I? I know you’re reading this and I don’t want things to be too adult for you

Bobby: Lol Logan it’s fine, you’re not being explicit

Jubilation: Yeah, you’re not being inappropriate lol

Logan: Good.

Kurt: Henry and I have been together for 9 months

Kurt: Lol Well like, the first month was me shyly flirting with Henry until I got him flowers and he literally lost his mind with how shy I was being and just kissed me lol


	20. Yuri on Ice takes over the group chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Kurt: Lol Well like, the first month was me shyly flirting with Henry until I got him flowers and he literally lost his mind with how shy I was being and just kissed me lol

Hank: YOU BOUGHT US MATCHING RINGS KURT

Hank: Normal friends don’t do that. I literally cannot fathom how you thought I didn’t know you liked me, I was just trying to let you make the first move but you kept fidgeting

Kurt: Okay I was not that obvious

Kurt: And they were sapphire rings, you don’t buy sapphires rings romantically

Scott: Kurt you’re a dork

Hank: Honey you complimented by biceps. And my quadriceps. My thighs Kurt. Literally no two straight men have ever complimented each other’s quads

Jubilation: Lol that’s so vaguely intimate

Jubilation: It’s like Yuri On Ice!!

Bobby: Actually yeah lol The rings thing? Like, buying rings and thinking its platonic when it isn’t lol

Alison: That show was so sweet

Jubilation: ALISON???

Alison: I got into for the choreography animation, but stayed for the cute boys

Alison: Phichit was my favorite though. He’s so sweet

Kurt: Was

Kurt: Was I actually as oblivious as Yuri????

Hank: Hm

Hank: Yes

Angelo: Hank? Kurt made you watch it?!?!

Hank: Well funny story

Kurt: Henry please I love you stop talking

Hank: He didn’t know much about love amongst men so he watched A TON of gay tv shows (very bad idea), so I made him show me some to see how wrong it was. Yuri on Ice was sweet but not very practical lol

Logan: Kurt

Logan: Yuri and Victor fucking suck at communication you literally could not have thought that that would be a good role model

Angelo: LOGAN?

Logan: I lived in Japan for decades, if you actually thought I didn’t watch anime you’re a fucking moron

Angelo: Bitch

Moira: Why are you guys so surprised we all know what Yuri on Ice is, it was a cultural phenomena

Charles: Moira and I watched to see how far the cultural representation of minorities has gotten in East Asia

Charles: It was beautifully animated

Moira: The soundtrack was also quite gracious

Ororo: Aside from me, who hasn’t watched this show

Sean: Me

Ororo: …..

Ororo: ……

Ororo: Jean? Scott?

Anna: They binged it with me one night

Jean: I was kind of interested. I never could imagine wholesome cutesy gay cartoons when I was a kid, and I wanted see what is was like. You know. Maybe if when I have kids I could show it to them. Just so they see it as normal

Scott: I mean I thought the same thing

Sean: You are all such nerds

Ororo: Tessa?

Tessa: I’m connected to the internet 24/7, even during sleep, I literally binge shows every night

Tessa: I have literally watched every episode of Wheel of Fortune. All of them.

Bobby: Legend

Ororo: Emma???

Emma: Honestly the Russian kid has incredible fashion and I wanted ideas for my next suit

Kurt: Emma you know our X-Men suits are meant to be practical. Like, you don’t need to show your underboob for that to be lol

Hank: Kurt honey

Hank: I love you and trust you are faithful

Hank: I am still very easy to induce envy in lol Please

Wade: Hank

Wade: Did I make you uncomfortable when I said I wanted to see Kurt strip

Hank: Yes you did

Hank: That was both incredibly disrespectful to Kurt and infuriating to me

Hank: Logan, aren’t you still made about the showerhead

Logan: Yes

Logan: Thank you Hank


	21. Teasing Kurt and Killing Wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Logan: Yes

Logan: Thank you Hank

Logan: Wade you better get your best ibuprofen ready

Logan: You fuggin regenerate so I don’t gotta be merciful to you

Logan: I actually can rip your arms off

Logan: One arm is coming off for being rude to Kurt

Kurt: Logan you literally put me in a Kimura hold earlier

Kurt: You were BITING ME

Hank: The fact that your ex was biting you does indeed also bother me

Hank: But what also bothers me

Hank: Warren. Alison. Poitr.

Hank: Do I need to worried about you admiring my beloved in an inappropriate capacity

Poitr: No

Poitr: I mean not in that way at least

Poitr: I mean

Poitr: Kurt is very

Poitr: Um

Poitr: I will respect you both and stop talking

Hank: Okay thank you lol

Hank: Also no more rubbing his tail during hugs or when you sit together

Kurt: Honestly it feels really weird when anyone touches my tail, it rubs against itself so much that its weird when anything but my tail touches my tail

Alison: I will admired inappropriately for sure

Alison: But from afar, respecting boundaries

Bobby: MOOD

Bobby: Not for Kurt for me though, he’s too short

Kurt: Both of you are so mean to me lol

Hank: Alison that answer is both unsatisfactory and acceptable at the same time, thank you

Hank: Also yes Bobby he is really short but that’s a plus

Kurt: I AM NOT SHORT 😭😭😭😭😭 

Charles: You’re 5’5’’, which is well below that national average

Moira: By one inch Charles, that’s not “well below”

Charles: He is tiny though

Kurt: I LOOK DOWN ON YOU

Charles: Because I’m in my chair, I’m 6’3’’

Kurt: YOU’RE WHAT????

Bobby: PROFESSOR? DO YOU PLAY VOLLEYBALL!?!?!?

Jubilation: What

Jubilation: That is literally 1000% more shocking than Kurt and Hank

Wanda: I honestly though you just made the chair seat higher to feel powerful

Moira: Well no, but that is something he would do

Charles: Moira please

Hank: I mean, that’s still kind of short

Kurt: 6’3’’ IS NOT SHORT HENRY

Kurt: YOU’RE JUST A MASTODON OF A MAN AT 6’9”

Wade: Hey guys is Logan on his way to kill me yet, I thought he’d be here by now

Tessa: I don’t know where he is actually, he’s not on the cameras or sensors right now

Anna: Run Wade

Anna: Or stay, your life means little to me

Hank: Warren you still haven’t answered me

Warren: Sorry Henry, sorry Kurt. It really was a joke, I’m actually pretty darn straight

Ororo: I think that’s a lie but I’ll let you take times to figure it out

Ororo: Also Kurt you are indeed very very small

Warren: Ororo you’ve been very bold today

Kurt: Ororo you stand at 6’1’’ you are very tall for a woman and I AM NOT SHORT

Ororo: You are hyena sized

Kurt: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨

Jubilation: Ororo and Logan are clearly the best roasters

Angelo: And you’re the worst lol

Hank: Okay

Hank: So everyone’s clear that flirting with Kurt is now under my jurisdiction

Kurt: Henry you are an absolute sweet heart who has shown me nothing but love and warmth and affection and never crossed a single boundary so seeing you attempt to be an intimidating protective boyfriend is like watching a chihuahua bark at people lol

Hank: A chihuahua who weights 400 lbs and can bench 915 lol

Ororo: Hank I think its sweet that you protect Kurt and care for him, but you know none of us would take advantage of Kurt

Wade: I would

Ororo: And as someone who Kurt had a crush on for 6 years during his teenagerhood, I can assure you he is quite loyal, you are in good hands

Kurt: ORORO?

Kurt: WHEN DID FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?!?!?

Jubilation: Kurt cannot catch a break today lol

Ororo: Your third day on the team

Hank: Honestly I should be jealous about that but Ororo is probably the most reliable team member lol

Ororo: Also Wade do not think I have not noticed your rude comment

Hank: I also noticed

Hank: You know I know how the cure is manufactured

Hank: Your healing factor’s continued existence is now subject to me

Wade: Shut up bitch lol

Wade: I’m just saying, Kurt’s hot and I get horny sometimes lol

Kurt: Wade you are at the bottom of the list

Kurt: Like, the list of possible sleeping candidates goes Underage people, then Sentinels, then you

Kurt: You’re like

Kurt: In between Sentinels and like

Kurt: roadkill

Wade: Bruh

Wade: You’re being so unreasonable right now

Wade: You know you want this difkjhahwqihdiuhiwhliehchqwhbwe

Kurt: Thank you Logan 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Moira: Logan really is a hero

Scott: Logan is now my favorite X-Man besides Jean

Jean: I’m an X WOMAN lol

Ororo: Logan is probably the one person on the team literally all of us have thought about romantically at at least one point

Sean: Speak fer yerself weatherwitch

Ororo: I wonder what a banshee thinks it can do against a force of nature lol

Sean: Fair point, I’ll be quiet

Jubilation: How dead is Wade Logan

Logan: Still in the process of removing him from the property.

Jubilation: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE?!?!?

Emma: What was that?

Tessa: Wade shot Logan in the knee


	22. Okay, actually really kill Wade no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan = Wolverine, Scott = Cyclops, Jean = Marvel Girl/Phoenix, Hank/Henry = Beast, Kurt = Nightcrawler, Wade = Deadpool, Tessa = Sage, Alison = Dazzler, Sean = Banshee, Angelo = Skin, Anna = Rogue, Emma = The White Queen, Charles/Chuck = Professor X, Bobby = Iceman, Jubilation = Jubilee, Wanda = Scarlet Witch, Warren = Archangel/Angel/The Avenging Angel, Ororo = Storm, Poitr = Colossus, Moira = that girl from First Class with a gun,

Jubilation: WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE?!?!?

Emma: What was that?

Tessa: Wade shot Logan in the knee

Charles: Wade that is incredibly irresponsible and reckless. Just because Logan can regenerate does not mean anyone else can. A bullet that bounces off of Logan could easily hit someone else, you know this. I cannot believe you would fire a gun inside the school

Hank: I absolutely can believe it

Sean: Same

Angelo: Same

Anna: Same

Alison: Same

Scott: Wade that’s it your done. You’re suspended, 5 weeks without pay

Logan: He can’t see his phone

Logan: Wait

Logan: TESSA WHO WAS IN DETENTION ROOM C6?

Logan: THAT’S WHERE THE BULLET RICOCHETED AND I SMELL BLOOD

Jubilation: SHIT

Jubilation: I’M ON MY OVER THERE NOW I’M JUST ACROSS THE HALL

Jean: Guys calm down

Jean: That’d be me

Scott: JEAN!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?

Jean: It just grazed my ankle before I caught it with my telekinesis

Jean: Hank can I meet you down in the med bay

Hank: Of course Jean, I’ll have Kurt teleport me down there then send him up to you.

Scott: Wade I’m going to fucking murder you

Scott: Logan give him his phone back

Logan: Kay

Logan: Give it a sec his eyes need to regenerate

Logan: Bobby can you get a mop and clean this blood up. Probably more down on the second floor than the third

Wade: Wait was someone actually shot

Wade: WAIT I’M SUSPENDED WITHOUT PAY?!?!?

Wade: NO I’M SORRY JEAN

Scott: You’re not gonna need money where you’re going shithead

Scott: Jean do you need me down there with you??

Emma: I’m down there with Hank, Jean, and Kurt now. She’ll be fine, it grazed the bone on the side of her ankle and left a gash up her leg, but she’s been hurt worse. Hank’s preparing some sutures and gauze and Kurt’s getting some low dose opioids from the medicine vault.

Scott: Thank you Emma

Wade: Wait Scott Logan you really don’t need to do this I’m sorry

Alison: I’m crying

Alison: You fucking shot Jean you bitch

Alison: I’m gonna fucking kill you

Alison: Scott and Logan get first but you can die quite a few times in one day

Ororo: I’m coming to oversee

Ororo: I don’t want anything unnecessarily vengeful or sadistic

Wade: Ororo you’re my hero!!!

Ororo: I never said I’m going to stop them

Ororo: Or not join in

Ororo: Jean is the best thing in my life

Wade: WAIT GUYS ALL FOUR OF YOU CAN’T KILL ME AT ONCE

Wanda: Wade you absolutely deserve this you’ve been a bastard all day

Emma: I mean you fired a gun inside a school building Wade

Poitr: How could you shoot Jean??? Jean’s so nice and kind and caring

Sean: Kill him once for me guys

Anna: I mean

Anna: I’d be down there too but I’m headed down to the medbay with some ice cream. Jean sucks with pain

Scott: Yeah she does

Scott: Emma are you sure Jean’s okay

Jean: I’m okay Scott, just gritting my teeth until the Novocain kicks in

Charles: Tessa please prepare a statement email to the students to reiterate the psychic message I sent out about the gunshot in case any of them need to re go over it

Charles: Tessa also please schedule a second weekly group therapy session during the next 11 weeks

Tessa: Done and done Charles

Moira: I’m going to Wade’s room and taking all his guns into the vault in the Biophysics lab, I know he doesn’t know that combination

Charles: Thank you Moira

Angelo: Prof, you want I to go to the nursery and help out? Some of the little kids are still crying, according to Kitty

Charles: Please, Angelo. Thank you

Jubilation: I’ll come with

Angelo: Mmkay, thanks

Kurt: Tessa, please put medical water pouches on the waiting liss

Tessa: Yes

Kurt: Also you were really mean to me today, you’re buying me pizza combos later

Tessa: Yes

Wanda: How dead is Deadpool btw

Ororo: Logan and I are basically done. Scott and Alison kind of can go for a while. His beams create noise for her to turn into light, and his beams get stronger on light, making more noise. You know how it is

Bobby: Floors clean

Bobby: I’m glad you guys are killing him in the South Lawn, none of the kids go there cause people say its haunted

Logan: Do they say that? Why?

Bobby: I mean Deadpool dies there a lot so we tend to think he left some of his soul there

Bobby: Like a horcrux

Logan: It looks like Scott and Alison are done

Scott: I’m upping Wade’s without pay to a $350000 pay deduction

Bobby: WHY DOES WADE MAKE SO MUCH MORE THAN ME???

Ororo: He doesn’t

Ororo: He makes less than you

Bobby: Oh so he’s in debt now lol

Bobby: Nice lol

Kurt: Are we all done for today. It’s like, only 5:30 but I’m so tired lol

Logan: Yes

Logan: Wait where is the living room remote lol

Kurt: Oh that’s in my room lol

Logan: I’m gonna fuckin eat you


End file.
